How Are We Even Related!
by DisneyPrincess104
Summary: modern one-shot. Billy comes into town, Beth breaks some dishes, Patriots bashing, what more could you want from a weekend in Boston?


So I went to my cousins' house for the long weekend, and I brought my computer with every intention of doing all my homework and trying to finish this. That did not happen; instead I got into an argument with my cousin about the best animated Disney movie (_Lion King_, _Mulan_, and _Beauty and the Beast_), which resulted in us being sent to our rooms without dessert (he and I are 19 and 17, respectively, I didn't know parents could still do that!). Anyways I was woefully unproductive this weekend and I have a French exam tomorrow…drat! _Amusez-vous!_

* * *

"Beth, call on line two!" Harriet called through Beth's office door.

Beth groaned; she was absolutely swamped in paperwork to fill out before next week's fashion week in New York, which was _Tessie_'s biggest show.

"Elizabeth Bennett speaking, how may I help you?" She tucked the phone between her shoulder and her ear and continued her work.

"_Elizabeth, this is Billy,_" A nasally voice with a slight southern drawl on the other end said.

"Billy?" Beth echoed, still preoccupied with papers.

"_Billy Collins,_" the voice replied, sounding slightly insulted.

Beth focused on the caller, "Right, sorry Billy. You're Marsh's son right?" Marshall Collins was Beth's father's cousin's ex-husband. Literally no relation to Beth, even though Marsh constantly insisted they were all on big, happy family.

"_Yes, yes I am," _Billy drawled.

"How can I help you Billy?" Beth asked politely.

"_Well, I am thinking about coming up north to visit you next weekend. I have to be in town for some business and I was wonderin' if I could stay with you and your sister, your mother said it was fine when I spoke with her._"

Beth ground her teeth; leave it to Fanny Bennet to ruin her daughter's weekend. "I don't know Billy. Jayne and I both have to work this weekend…"

"_I don't need no entertaining, just a place to sleep. You know, what with the economy and all, I'd rather not spend my money on a hotel when I can stay with family!_"

Beth sighed, "I'll talk to Jayne, and get back to you tomorrow. How about you call here this time tomorrow?"

"_Sounds good, Elizabeth, thank you so much!_"

---

"You get it," Beth whispered, staring at the door with wide eyes.

"No you get it," Jayne replied with the same expression on her face.

"I asked you first."

"I'm older."

"My hair is longer."

"I'm taller."

"My office has more windows."

"I don't even have an office!" Jayne protested. "That's not fair!"

Beth shrugged and stuck out her tongue.

The doorbell rang again, followed by four staccato knocks. Beth and Jayne shared identical panicked glances and both stuck out their fists. Three shakes later Jayne's hand was still in a fist and Beth's was flat out. "Paper beats rock!" Beth crowed.

Jayne unlocked the door and slowly opened it. "Hello Billy!" She said to the man on the other side of the door, a strained smile on her face.

"Jayne! You look absolutely stunning!"

Jayne glanced at her sister with a horrified look on her face as she stepped aside to let Billy into the room.

Beth cringed as her distant relative walked into the room. Billy Collins was short and chubby, with dark hair that was always slicked back and pale skin. Billy worked for a publishing company based in Atlanta, Georgia and took the fact that he was a 'Southern boy' very seriously, and that meant wearing cowboy boots and a cowboy hat everywhere, in all weather.

"Beth! It's so good to see y'all again!"

"You too Billy. How was your flight?"

"It was alright. Boston is _such _a hassle to fly into, all that security is exhausting!"

"Well we just don't like terrorists blowing up things so we try to prevent that," Beth said sarcastically.

"Oh right of course." Billy turned away from Beth and back to Jayne. "How are you Jay? May I call you that? Its so much prettier than Jayne."

"No I like Jayne, thanks. And I'm doing well, thanks."

Billy smiled awkwardly, "Yes of course, sorry. Are you still modeling?"

"Some, mostly I just organize events. Your bedroom is right here, why don't you put your stuff away?" Jayne practically shoved him into the spare bedroom and slammed the door.

She leaned against the door and let out a sigh, "how long is he here?" she whispered, moving to drop on the couch.

"Sunday at 9:52 AM, flight 1527." Beth muttered from the couch, where her head was face down in a pillow.

"Okay," Jayne took a deep breath. "So what time are you leaving for work?"

"Six thirty, gotta beat all those commuters," Beth replied, lifting her head to wink at Jayne.

"I'll go with you then." They were silent for a few moments, listening to Billy move around the bedroom, mumbling to him self. "I feel bad for not feeling bad," Jayne said.

"Don't," Beth replied shortly, "not even worth it."

---

"Jayne," Billy drawled, almost hanging off of the very annoyed blonde, "I am _so _glad we are getting to know each other better."

The trio was slowly making their way back to the Bennett's apartment, Billy setting the slow pace. The April night was warm and they had decided to walk through Boston Common to get home, a decision Beth and Jayne almost immediately regretted.

Jayne shot a terrified look at her cousin before looking at her sister for help. Beth made a sympathetic face and shrugged.

"Uh…okay," Jayne answered, attempting to pull her arm out of Billy' clutches.

"Dinner was really lovely, don't you think? That restaurant was so romantic."

Beth snorted from behind them, "yeah I'm glad you chose that one Bill, great setting for _three cousins_."

Billy seemed to have forgotten Beth was there, but still ignored the brunette, focusing on the blonde.

Three minutes later a shout was heard and Charley appeared, jogging toward them and waving his arms wildly.

Beth rolled her eyes, "that boy is so embarrassing."

Jayne let out a sigh of relief and wrenched her arm away from Billy's to give Charley a hug.

"Who is that?" Billy asked, sidling up to Beth and making her jump. "Charley Bingley, Jay's boyfriend."

Billy's almost-audible moan of disappointment was cut off by another shout, "Charley, where the hell did you go?" and the appearance of Will Darcy. Will stopped short at the sight of the group, "Oh, hey Jayne, Beth." He nodded politely to both girls before glancing disdainfully at Billy.

Beth gestured at Billy and stepped away from him, "this is our cousin Billy, Billy this is Will."

Will nodded politely but didn't speak. As Jayne and Charley began walking Will fell into step next to Beth, "So," he began awkwardly, "how about them Patriots?"

Beth shot him a death stare, "did you not see the game?" as Will's denial she groaned. "They were miserable! Flippin' Tom Brady threw like Jamarcus Russell. I cried."

"That bad?" Will asked wincing.

"I was ashamed to be from Boston." She stated flatly, still glaring.

They walked in silence for a moment before Will spoke again, a sheepish smile on his face. "Alright, so that wasn't the best conversation starter, so I'm gonna start over have you read that book I recommended?"

"Nope, Emma and I are preparing for our show next week and all my free time's been taken over by that cockroach." She subtly nodded her head at Billy as she whispered to Will; Billy was wandering ahead of them.

"Who the hell is he?"

"He's somehow related to me and Jay."

"Fascinating." Will said dryly. Their conversation was interrupted by the object of the conversation who walked between them the rest of the way to the apartment building.

---

"That boy needs to be beaten," Beth stated flatly, reading an article in the newspaper.

"Beth you can't blame it all on him. Welker's gone and you know Welkie is Brady's go-to man."

"Still," Beth replied stubbornly. "Or maybe I should just go down and have a little chat with ol' Belichick…" Beth stopped speaking as Billy entered the room with a strange look on his face and returned to the paper

"Elizabeth, may I please speak with you, alone?" Billy looked meaningfully at Jayne who nodded and slipped across the hall to see Charley.

Beth glanced up her the Globe and her cup of tea. "You want a ride to Logan? Cause it'd probably be easier to take the _T_, less hassle."

"No I want to talk to you about something else," Billy said nervously before clearing his throat. "During the time I have been here in Boston I have come to care deeply for you, Elizabeth."

Beth's mouth dropped open and she stared, speechless at the man in front of her.

"I greatly admire your wit and humbleness and I think we would make a wonderful couple. My boss, the amazing Mrs. DeBourgh, has been encouraging me to settle down and I think you are perfect for aiding me in that endeavor."

Beth finally found her voice, "Excuse me?!" she spluttered.

"I want you to come home with me to Atlanta and be my girlfriend," Billy repeated.

"Stop! Just stop!" Beth interrupted. "What the fuck is this? We're cousins! I'm pretty sure that's illegal in most states!"

Billy shook his head and produced a piece of paper, "actually its not. By law, we aren't even related! Its perfect!"

Beth skimmed the article he had thrust at her, growing sickened by the word, suddenly she spotted the date on which the article was printed. "You had decided this Friday?! You weren't even in the city for three hours when you decided you wanted to marry me?!"

Beth was shaking with suppressed anger, making the paper tremble, but Billy didn't seem to notice.

"You want to marry me?!" he repeated delightedly.

"WHAT?" Beth exploded. "NO I DON'T WANT TO MARRY YOU, I DON'T EVEN FUCKING LIKE YOU!!"

Billy took a step back in shock, "what?"

"I cannot stand you. I don't even know why I agreed to take your call in the first place. You disgust me on every level." She took a deep, calming breath, "leave this fucking house now and don't come back."

Billy grabbed his suitcase and opened the door, "just so you know Elizabeth," he stopped before leaving and said coldly, "I don't even know why I liked you. And someday soon when I find my future wife you will be jealous." With that he slammed the door. Leaving Beth to throw a dish at the wall alone.

---

"I don't think I've ever seen her that angry." Jayne said Sunday night over dinner at Charley's. "she broke three plates today."

"When she gets angry, she gets angry," Charley said, shuddering a little at the thought of a furious Beth. "I'd hate to be on the receiving end of that." He opened his mouth to speak again when Beth re-entered the room from the kitchen where she was getting herself a drink.

Beth rolled her eyes, "Charley, you're a decent chap, they only time I'll every consider breaking you is if you break my sister's heart." Her voice was teasing, but her eyes were quite serious.

Jayne shook her head, "Beth stop scaring him."

"I'm the younger sister, it is my god given right to scare boyfriends."

"I just don't understand it," Will commented suddenly from where he was leaning against the doorframe.

"Get what?"

"How the two of you came from the same womb."

* * *

Bill Belichick is the Patriots head coach (he lives on the South Shore, hence the "do down there" comment). Jamarcus Russell is the quarterback for the Oakland Raiders, he had a pass completion of 48%, had 30 sacks, and only 2 touchdowns (for those of you who don't speak football, he sucked). On the other hand Tom Brady threw a total of 28 touchdowns _and_ had a broken finger and ribs (translation: he is a warrior!!) So ya that was my Patriot rant (I honesty did cry at the end of the last game, it was mortifying).

So that's out of system, I hope y'all enjoyed this fic and please review! It makes my day seeing all those review in my mailbox (its been slushing here and that depressing; reviews might make me feel better)


End file.
